House of Swank

Who Knew Granola Bars Made You Happy?

That's right, I'm giddy about granola bars.  Never knew it was possible, never even considered it, but I'm downright in love with Nature's Path Granola Bars.

Prior to a week ago granola bars were a major source of consternation in the SwankPoet diet.  They serve a vital part in Sweetie's diet - perfect food to carry him over through a workout or a game he has to ref - but finding granola bars that are fully friendly to his diet seemed impossible.  They all seem to have honey as an ingredient - which can be an issue (a BIG issue) for him at times - and the more natural you go the more key honey is to the ingredient list.  Or they are LOADED with soy.  And/or they taste like ass.  We had mitigated by finding the brand of bar that caused the fewest issues and just ignoring the ingredient list.

Then a week ago I was at the store and they had these hippy-dippy granola bars on BIG sale.  I decided to check out the ingredient list and, amazingly enough, they passed the test.  Some of the flavors seemed pretty questionable - flax seed and pumpkin? - but I bought a box of peanut butter ones to give them a try.

They taste like a peanut butter Rice Krispie Treat.  But are relatively healthy as Rice Krispie treats go.

I went back to the store for a sampling of the flavors, so that we can decide which ones we like and stock up on them while the price is right.  So far everything passes the test except Apricot & Nut (which have yet to be tested) and Cranberry (which never made it into the test because of big issues with cranberries).

But now, they get the two thumbs up.  In fact, I think I may go enjoy one right now.

When I'm Queen

Tonight I attended (and testified at) the second of two public hearings regarding the draft environmental impact statement for the Columbia River Crossing Project.

To translate for those who don't understand that last sentence:  The Columbia River Crossing is an organization working out what should be done about the I-5 bridge between Portland and Vancouver.  There's all kinds of work to get people's input on the best options, and these public hearings were one step of the process.

There are three basic questions to be answered right now:

1. The Bridge - Should nothing be done?  Should the current bridges be used and supplemented with a new bridge?  Should the current bridges be destroyed and all new bridges be put in their place?
2. Transit - If it exists should it be in the form of bus rapid transit or light rail?
3. Transit route - What route should the transit take once it gets into Vancouver.

There were many well-researched, well-thought out statements during the public hearing tonight.  I'd like to think mine was one of them (I spoke exclusively on the third question, because in my mind there is one option that is FAR superior to the other three on the table).  It was also encouraging to find some allies in the crowd - because the loudest voices in Vancouver seem to be very anti-everything.

There were also a lot of nut jobs.  About every third or fourth speech involved peak oil, how we were at maximum capacity at the moment and there would never be more cars on the roadway as a result.  There were also a lot of people who were very passionate about whether or not tolls would be charged to help fund the development.  One fellow suggested that automobile drivers shouldn't bear the sole burden of tolls, but everyone who crossed the bridge - including transit riders and "freeloading bicyclists" - needed to be charged or it was all a socialist conspiracy.

I'm all for everyone's voice being heard, but when you've got a viewpoint that is only slightly anchored in reality there needs to be a trapdoor or a cane that comes from stage left or some other way of putting these people in check.  When I'm Queen of the Universe that's going to be high on my list of priorities. My fear, since I'm not Queen, is that if there are too many comments from the whack jobs the people in charge won't hear the comments with actual substance through the white noise of the people with opinions not grounded in reality.

That's part of why I'll continue to fight the fight.  Well, that and the fact that I have a view that's distinctly different from that of my neighborhood at large, so if I want my voice to be heard I've got to do it on my own.

FYI to readers who subscribe to The Oregonian - the reporter there talked to me a bit after I made my statement, so there's a chance I'll appear in the article.  Since I don't get the paper, y'all will be responsible for witnessing a few seconds worth of my fifteen minutes of fame.

Technical Notes

Today was spent helping the 'rents set up their new GPS system (I covet it now) and installing a wireless router so they don't have to walk upstairs to surf the 'net anymore.  A few thoughts:

1)  The wireless network Sweetie and I mercilessly poached from whilst living there this summer is now secured.  I'm surprised it didn't happen whilst we were actively poaching, but it was bound to happen eventually.

2)  I miss US-based telephone tech support.  And it's not that "Ike" didn't give me the "excellent customer service" he promised (had issues installing the router, ended up being IP addresses that couldn't play nice together unless they were forced to)... but it just wasn't as much fun as tech support frompain a native English speaker.  I used to always get in crazy conversations with the tech guys while waiting for the computers to do their things, but now it's just "Ike" repeating back what I said to him to make sure he understood me correctly.

3) Naming a network comes with a certain amount of pressure.  Naming your parents' network, on the fly, without their input, is TOUGH.  OK, I COULD have asked my Mom for input, but first I would have had to explain what the network name was and why we needed to come up with something, and I didn't want to keep "Ike" waiting for that.  So if you're ever in Sherwood (or wherever they end up moving to next) and stumble across a network named "momanddad" that's all them.

4)  We won't even go into the pressure that arose when deciding on a password for the network.

Getting My Money's Worth

I just paid $135 to have an electrician come to my house and replace a switch.  OUCH!

However, he was a good man and made sure I got my money's worth out of the trip.

First off, $135 to ensure I'm not going to electrocute myself is money well spent.  I didn't know the switch needed to be replaced.  I knew one of the basement light fixtures was not working, and I knew there was no current at the fixture but there was current at the switch.  Turns out if I'd opened up the switch I could have used my tester to confirm it was a bum switch, and the electrician talked me through how to do that so that if the same problem happens in the future I'm not out the money.

He also noticed we've got non-grounded outlets throughout the upstairs of our house.  And talked me through how I can swap all of them out for three-prong outlets safely and legally.  It's a bit of an undertaking time-wise, but it will definitely be added to the list of things to do in the house.

And, when it comes time for us to update the electric in the basement I know who we're going to call.

Girls Who Like Girls Who Like Boys Who Like....

Sweetie and I are headed to Karaoke from Hell this evening.

More for him than for me - he's the singer of the family.

But, get enough cocktails into me and sometimes I can be coerced into doing a little Karaoke.  So I wanted to be prepared.

I thought I'd go with my old standby tonight - These Boots Are Made For Walking - thanks to google video and lyric websites you can actually practice a song at home before making a fool of yourself in front of strangers.  And, apparently the more cocktails I have the better my voice gets, because I just wasn't feeling it tonight.

I wanted to have a song at the ready, so went through the catalog to see what I could come up with.

What I learned is that a lot of good songs I'd be willing to sing are written by guys being sung to or about girls.  So I'd have to go lesbian to sing the song.  Then there are songs like Lola or Walk on the Wild Side - about guys mistakenly hooking up with cross dressers - and it really gets all sorts of sick and twisted to be a girl singing those songs.  Really limits the options.

I've picked my song.  Punk Rock Girl by The Dead Milkmen.  I'm willing to go lesbian for that one.  And pogo myself crazy, so no one will see what that crazy singer looked like.

Cuts Like A Knife

A couple of nights ago while making dinner I noticed that I actually had to work when slicing the vegetables.  Could only mean one thing - it's time for the chef's knife to be sharpened.  Honestly, it's probably been time for a while now, but I've just now gotten around to realizing it.

Today I took it in.  I packaged it in a bag, so that I would not just be carrying this large blade around with me.  But, when carrying a large, unprotected, blade I'm carrying it by the knife handle, even if it is inside of a bag.

Do you have any idea how disconcerting it is to carry a large blade through the local mall?  The irrational side of me was quite convinced I would be stopped by security and end up at the police station for bringing a weapon onto public property.  Luckily, my memory of where the knife shop was within the mall was pretty good, and I chose the closest entrance.

I mentioned my discomfort at carrying a knife in the mall, and the fellow working the store mentioned I wasn't the first customer to feel that way.

Tomorrow afternoon I get to go through it all again, when I pick up the knife.  Although I'm hoping they at least have a sleeve on the blade for me.

In A Pickle

A note to the checker at Whole Foods:

You cannot simultaneously call yourself a pickle connoisseur and ask me if cornichons taste any good.  Cornichons are about the second rung on the ladder to pickle connoisseur status.

I mean, I'm glad there's a brand of pickles you really, really, REALLY seem to like.  And I suppose I am pleased that you seem to think I'd like them, too.  Based entirely on the fact that I was buying cornichons.  But I don't think you're going to be my resource for pickle selection in the future.