Unveiling the Dark Lord

I think everyone who has lived somewhere outside of their parents' home knows that the first rule of real estate is "location, location, location."

For Sweetie and I the first requirement of location be that the neighborhood have a soul.  Some life and energy about it.  Which, basically, translates to "older, established neighborhood."  For the longest time I figured the things I hated so much about the modern "neighborhood" is the fact that there are no trees (because the construction company razed them, rather than building around them), and the fact that all of the houses are identical and RIGHTONTOPOFEACHOTHER.

Today I learned the deeper problem, that prevents the trees and the diversity and the life in the neighborhood.

It's the darn homeowner's association.

My parents live in a neighborhood with an HOA.  Which is perfect and fine for them (Hi Mom and Dad!), but I would slit my wrists if I had to settle here permanently, and not just because of the despicable commute for my Sweetie.  But good gosh, just thinking about the rules they have causes me major distress.

For example:

• You are not allowed to park a camper or trailer outside of your home for more than three days, because they are an eyesore.  You must pay to store it somewhere else.  God forbid we have people who like travel a lot living in our midst!
• A neighbor chose to paint their house a SLIGHTLY different shade of beige than what it was (because beige is the only color allowed in these areas).  The HOA found out, and tried to slap them with a fine.  All of the neighbors had to lobby to have the fine lifted.
• A different neighbor used to have a white picket fence in front of his house.  The American dream in action.  But it wasn't allowed in the rules, and they were taking him to court, so he opted to remove it.
• My parents have a small storage shed in their back yard.  While constructing it they had to hope and pray that the HOA didn't catch wind, because the small shed that matches their house exactly is technically illegal.  Can't have people wanting to park their cars in the garage AND do yardwork!

Although I don't agree with any of these silly rules, I can accept that there are people who choose to live in such a neighborhood, so as to keep things looking nice and all.  But the one I learned about today, that really pushed me over the edge:

• If you have persistent brown spots on your lawn they can fine you for not keeping up your yard.  I shudder to think what would happen if you didn't water your lawn during the summer.

So, basically, they are REQUIRING everyone in the neighborhood to be environmentally irresponsible by forcing them to keep green lawns throughout the summer.  Which is pretty and all, but awfully wasteful of water.  And I've seen plenty of people who let their lawns die off in the heat of summer, where it looks just fine.  Not as lush and green as a golf course, but well kept and appropriate for the hot days outside.

Seriously, I don't understand people sometimes.