House of Swank

Make The Punishment Fit The Crime

There's been a lot of talk in the sports world lately about the New England Patriots and what big fat cheaters they are.  OK, so it generally isn't referring to them as big fat cheaters, but between Mr. Tom "Butt Chin" Brady and Mr. Bill "I make an NFL Coach's salary, but can't afford to wear decent looking clothes on game days" Belichick I really don't care for the Pats.

Anyhow, they got busted for illegally spying on the other time and are also accused of jamming up the radio frequency used by their opponent to call in plays to the QB.  For those not in the know, QBs have a radio transmitter in their helmet, and the coaches will broadcast to them what play they should be running.

There have been fines issued and draft picks surrendered.  Some are saying this is too much.  Others are saying wins should be forfeited and Belichick should be suspended for a number of games.

Me, I say make the punishment fit the crime.  If Belichick is not mature enough to use the radio waves responsibly during a game, then he should have the privilege revoked.  In other words, no radio receiver in Butt Chin's helmet.  They have to run in plays with guys from the sidelines, like was done once upon a time before the current technology was in place.

If the Pats are as good as many seem to think they are, this will merely be a fly in the ointment and they will continue to kick butt.  If they are only good because of their cheater pants ways, this will nip the problem in the bud. 

And anything that annoys the Butt Chin and Belichick makes good sense in my book.

Balance

Every year in fantasy football it's the same story.  Either I have running backs OR wide receivers, but not both.  One group will totally rock it hard, and the other group won't even bother to show up most Sundays.

This year it's the wide receivers I have in full force - Steven Smith, Hines Ward and Javon Walker are the shining stars - and my running backs are all completely forgettable and falling fast.

The good news is that you can get away with activating only one receiver or back each week, as long as you have a total of 6 guys between the two categories (tight ends counting as receivers).  The bad news is in week 8 a huge portion of my team has a BYE week, so I'll be forced to activate whoever is available.  Assuming major changes aren't made in the meantime.

I dropped what could have been a decent running back in favor of an injured running back this week.  I think I may just give up on the backs completely this year.

The Chink In The Armor

Sweetie is grading papers this evening.  Many of them are about current event sorts of things.  One student is writing about the Osama Bin Laden video that came out recently.  The student argues that this CAN'T be the real Osama because the real Osama has a grey beard and this guy has a black beard.

Sweetie is OK with this argument.  Because how could a guy hidden away in the mountains in Afghanistan get hair dye?  There are no local Walgreens to pop into.

Then it occurred to Sweetie that a guy hidden away in the mountains CAN get a video camera IN AND get the video back out again.  Perhaps the guys responsible for that would be willing to bring along some Grecian Formula?

Otherwise, we could win that war easily.  Just appeal to the guy's vanity, and send the Queer Eye guys over for a makeover.

2007 Hottest Quaterbacks

Last year I ranked all the NFL Quarterbacks based on their hotness.  A fair number of people have landed on this blog because of that post.  Who knew so many people needed to know who is the hottest quarterback in the NFL?

Well, given that I think Donovan McNabb may have gotten hotter (shaved his head), AND that people have already started the searching this year, I figured I'd do an updated list.

Before I begin, the methodology:  I go to Google images, type in the QB's name, and go off the first image I can find of his face.  Starter's only.

This year's hottest QB's:

Tarvaris Jackson        Minnesota
Eli Manning                  New York Giants
Drew Brees                New Orleans
Matt Leinart                Arizona
Matt Shaub                  Houston
Jake Delhomme         Carolina
David Garrard             Jacksonville
Tony Romo                  Dallas
Ben Roethlisberger    Pittsburgh
Carson Palmer            Cincinnati
Matt Hasselbeck        Seattle
Marc Bulger                St. Louis
Chad Pennington        New York Jets
Donovan McNabb        Philadelphia
Joey Harrington        Atlanta
Trent Green                Miami
Damon Huard            Kansas City
Jason Campbell         Washington
Vince Young                Tennessee
Rex Grossman            Chicago
Alex Smith                  San Francisco
Jay Cutler                    Denver
Brett Favre                Green Bay
Peyton Manning         Indianapolis
Josh McCown              Oakland
Philip Rivers                San Diego
Tom Brady                    New England
JP Losman                    Buffalo
Charlie Frye                Cleveland
Jeff Garcia                  Tampa Bay
Steve McNair              Baltimore
Jon Kitna                      Detroit

Introducing In Tiki We Trust

The fantasy football draft is over, and with two games left to go tonight it looking like I'll have a loss for week 1.  My third year in the league, and I've played the same team every year in week 1.  Historically, I've won the game, but apparently I'm just showing him some sympathy this year.

So, without further ado, here's my current roster.  Changes will be made as the season progresses.

QUARTERBACKS:

Matt Hasselbeck - Seahawks
Vince Young - Titans
Chad Pennington - J-E-T-S Jets!

Hasselbeck and Young were both keepers for me.  I really dig the fact that my primary quarterbacks are an old, nerdy white guy, and a young, athletic black guy.  Quarterback pickings were lean this year, so I was happy I got a back-up as strong as Chad.  Who then had to go and sprain his ankle in the game.  I will likely hold onto him until it is determined just how bad that injury is.  He would have been a better pick than Vince this week, but I LOVE that Vince runs in his own touchdowns, but I don't really NEED my third quarterback until week 4.

RUNNING BACKS:
Warrick Dunn - Falcons
Ahman Green - Houston
Julius Jones - Cowboys
Deuce McAllister - Saints

It wasn't until typing this out that I realized all my RBs are from the South.  Probably won't be that way for long, as they ALL put in less than stellar performances this week.  I miss Tiki Barber!  You'd think with Joey Harrington at QB the Falcons would do nothing but run the ball, but apparently they NEED the ball in order to do that.  Thankfully, I legally only have to activate one of them a week.

WIDE RECEIVERS/TIGHT ENDS:

Bernard Berrian - da Bears
Steve Smith - Panthers
Javon Walker - Broncos
Hines Ward - Steelers
Tony Gonzales - Chiefs

Javon Walker was my third keeper for the year.  I was nervous about that, as there were better players available, but he has the potential to be a really studly player this year.  And I was afraid that whatever draft pick I gave up would cost me a key piece of my team.  I feel better about all of that now.  Primarily because I now own Steve Smith.  Who many experts consider to be the best wide receiver in fantasy football land this year.  This is quite astounding, as it means that another team decided they DIDN'T WANT to KEEP Mr. Smith.  And two other teams decided to pick SOMEONE ELSE with their first pick of the draft.  One team picked Tony "I love his ribs" Romo, as she was without quarterbacks at all and needed to get some while they were gettable.  The second picker decided Reggie Wayne and his 19 points from Thursdays game made him a preferable pick.  I'm OK with that, as it means I got myself a kick-ass wide receiver and 14 points for the week.

Tony Gonzalez sat on the bench this week, because although he is the second-best tight end in the universe at the moment he is a TIGHT END, who traditionally don't do as well as the wide receivers.  I was very glad of this fact when we were watching the pre-game shows yesterday (sans sound) and there was a headline that came across the screen that stated "Tony Gonzalez Threatened With Death" (or something similar).  We asked the Kansas City fans we were sitting with if they knew anything, and they were as worried as I was.  From the size and wording of the headline it seemed that perhaps he had a stalker at the team hotel, or had contracted some inoperable form of cancer last week.  He was playing Sunday, which made me feel moderately better, but still a bit worried.  We found out later that afternoon, that things weren't really all that bad.  Over the summer he suffered from Bell's Palsy, which is treatable (and was treated successfully).  Then, he had a blood test that came back with some scary results, until it turned up that blood samples had been swapped.  I'm sure neither of these events were fun for Tony Gonzalez, and there were some scary moments when he THOUGHT his life was in danger.  But that was all resolved quite some time ago, and his life was never actually IN danger, so all is well now.

KICKERS:

Shayne Graham - Bengals
Rob Bironas - Titans

I'm in love with Rob Bironas.  Have been since I started putting together my spreadsheet of doom in preparation for draft day.  He was the twenty-first best kicker on my list, which means he should have been left on the bench all season (10 teams, 2 kickers per team, and the lowest-scoring position means folks don't generally take 3 kickers unless they do something silly like drafting 2 kickers with the same BYE week.  Not that anyone in our league did that this year or anything, I'm just saying it's a possibility).  Anyway, back to Mr. Bironas.  As soon as I came across his name the first time I started humming "My Sharona, but substituting in his name "Rob Bironas."  As time passed, more lyrics were developed:

He's my little kicker man
My kicker man
Come on kick a field goal
ROB BIRONAS!

With a song like that, how could I NOT pick the guy?  My Sweetie says it's a bad idea to have a kicker and a QB from the same team, but it worked for me just fine my first season in the league, and I'm happy to have Rob Bironas on my team.

DEFENSES:
Ravens
Giants

The Ravens defense was one of the bright spots in an otherwise dim season for me last year.  I think they were one of my highest scorers week after week.  So much so that I briefly considered them as my third keeper.  But I knew that no one picks defenses until you get to the mid-rounds of the draft, so I figured third round, maybe fourth, I'd snatch them up and thus start the run on defenses.  Except in round 2 the person who picked right ahead of me took da Bears defense with his pick.  So I snatched up the Ravens right behind him.  (Thankfully I wanted the Ravens more than da Bears, but I knew I wanted one of those teams for sure).  Upon later questioning the other team owner indicated that he had given up his third round pick in a trade, and was afraid by the 4th round the good defenses would be gone.  Thus reinforcing why I didn't want to do a trade to improve upon Javon Walker.  The Giants defense seem to end up on my team every year.  I don't TRY to get them, or avoid it, they just always happen to be the best defense available when it comes time for me to pick one of my two defenses, and thus they are mine again.

Overall, and acceptable team, but one that will be able to use some fine tuning in the coming weeks.

Movin' on Up

This is the biggest weekend of the year for some folks, the weekend the NFL regular season begins.  As such, it is the weekend that my fantasy football league does it's draft.  Draft on Saturday, games on Sunday.

And, given that it is an odd-numbered year, that means I'm in Vegas.  This is the third time that as many teams that can make it come to Vegas, do the draft in someone's hotel room on Saturday and head to the local sports book on Sunday to watch all the games.

Sweetie and I planned ahead this year, and reserved ourselves a suite at the Imperial Palace to give a place to do the draft that didn't involve all ten owners piling onto a bed together.  By the time we checked in Friday night all the regular suites were gone, so we got upgraded to a Penthouse suite.  So I don't know if I can hang with all you common folk anymore.

Although I'm sure our room is nicer than most of the other rooms in the hotel, I don't know that I would give it full penthouse status.  Sure, it's bigger than most places I've lived (the bathroom alone is bigger than a few), and there's a balcony, but it's not all that plushly appointed.  Despite a bar the place only came with four glasses (two in the bathroom), and there was not a single plate or utensil to be had in the joint.  Which made for some creative solutions when making margaritas yesterday afternoon.

The nicest thing about the room is that the bed is king-sized, and features one of those beautiful super-firm mattresses only found in swanky hotels, where sleep is beyond restful.  Which is where I've spent an inordinate amount of time this weekend, because between the move, the hours Sweetie is keeping, and the fact that my parents' guest bedroom faces due East I am TIRED.  But a big nap Saturday afternoon, and being the only people in the city of Vegas in bed and asleep by 11 pm on Saturday has made a world of difference.

Now time to shower and help to lay claim to our viewing grounds for the games today.  We think we may have found a hidden gem in terms of location, comfort, and not having to wake up at the crack of dawn in order to have a chair.  We shall see if that pans out or not.

Introductions to the new team to come soon.  I am very excited this year, especially by my quarterbacks and my backup kicker.

Ludicrous to the Extreme

Just when I think the whole Larry Craig thing can't get any more ridiculous, it goes off the charts.  Again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

First the guy supposedly "accidentally" solicited sex from the guy in the stall next to him.  I am not an expert on bathroom stall sex solicitation, but from what I've read it's not something you can just "accidentally" do.

So he pleads guilty and resigns from the Senate.

But no, now he's going to try and reverse his plea, and he didn't ACTUALLY resign, but he said that he was GOING to resign, but now he's changed his mind.

CRAZY!

Even crazier?

The American Land Rights Association is calling for a boycott of the Minneapolis airport.  Because if no one flew there, then there would be no one in the bathroom stalls when Craig tried to solicit for the sex?  I'm not sure what purpose the boycott serves in getting things done, because it's just a crazy idea.

But wait, we get EVEN CRAZIER!

The REASON that the group is calling for the boycott is because the Minneapolis airport police "... are primarily responsible for greatly weakening private property rights and Federal land use advocates in the Senate Energy and Natural Resources Committee and in Congress."

So, to summarize, a Senator who is unwilling to admit he likes sex with men tries to solicit anonymous sex in an airport bathroom, and is caught with his pants down.  Therefore, private property rights are gone.  Which seems like a pretty good reason for everyone to support gay rights, because perhaps if he hadn't had to be a closet case land rights would no longer be a concern.

Almost makes me want to fly to Minneapolis next chance I get.

Vegas Bay-Bee!

This post is more for my own reference than anyone else's, but here is what I would like to get done before we leave for Vegas on Friday:

• Charge iPod and update playlists
• Buy non-metal sock needles and cast on sufficiently so that I can take them on the plane.  (Will also take current sock project that is on metal needles, and if security has an issue just junk the needles, but want a back-up knitting project just in case)
• Finalize the spreadsheet o' doom for the fantasy football draft
• Paint toenails
• Laundry
• Figure out what time I need to be at the train station to meet Sweetie at the airport at 6 pm.
• Determine if new cell phone will hold charge the full weekend, or if I need to bring wall charger
• Figure out the best (aka cheapest) place for Sweetie to park at the airport
• Clean-out/organize purse such that it is ready for a Vegas Vacation
• Constantly doubt my decision to not pursue a trade for a third keeper, as all the good trades get traded by other people

I Thought *I* Had It Bad

In any relationship, it is important to know what roles each person is expected to fulfill.  In the SwankPoet household I am responsible for the cooking and the home improvement and babying my Sweetie when he's eaten something he shouldn't have.  Sweetie is responsible for talking to Customer Service.

It seems that I am, apparently, sometimes a bit quick tempered.  So when the cable company or the phone company or the rental car company isn't performing to my expectations I go a bit of the handle.  I swear, I threaten, I erupt.  Which doesn't always get the desired results.  Sweetie is much better at talking to customer service agents in a calm, reasonable voice, and usually succeeds in getting what he wants out of the deal.  While I'm in the background yelling and screaming and belittling the operators family and generally just turning red in the face.

I, who will vow to personally demolish Verizon wireless because of difficulties with service on one or two occasions, have no problem continuing to work with my real estate agent.  Yet, a couple of readers have suggested he be kicked to the curb.  A wee bit of overkill if you ask me.

As I said in my original post, I am not paying my real estate agent (well, theoretically paying him, he won't get any cash until we buy a house) because of his ability to find us houses.  I primarily paying him for his ability to open up the lockbox on the houses.  I am also paying him so that he wastes all the gas driving me and Sweetie around to our houses.  I am paying him to say, "you'll want to have an inspector check out that roof, it looks like it may need to be replaced," or, "the listing claims the house is hooked to the city sewer, but in this part of town that may or may not be true, so you'll want to double-check."

His ability to provide us with potential houses is just a little something extra he does for us.  Because that's under the standard job description of "real estate agent," and he wants to do a good job.

He also has the habit of suggesting we knock out the wall between the kitchen and the dining room in almost every home we see, despite the fact that I've told him I actually like rooms.  I'm not going to fire my agent because he is a fan of the modern house with a completely open floor plan.  Someone has to be.

This real estate agent came highly recommended by a colleague of my husband's.  Her husband is in real estate development, and uses our agent to list all of the homes he puts on the market.  I KNOW our agent isn't going to screw us over, because if he does and word gets around to the real estate developer he is potentially screwing himself out of a LOT of potential income.

The other real estate agents I had referred to me couldn't be bothered to return my e-mails that I sent two months ago.  And I'm not just picking a name out of the phone book, because there are all KINDS of crooked people in the real estate business out there, and without some sort of referral I've got no way to pick out the good from the bad.

Really, people, it's all about priorities.  Pick your battles and all that.

I Cannot Be The Only One

Sweetie and I head off to Vegas on Friday for our fantasy football draft extravaganza.  We do the draft in Vegas every other year, and thus far whatever team I am rooting for in Vegas wins the season that year, so I'm feeling optimistic.

Because it's a weekend jaunt, and I'll be taking public transit to the airport, I plan on traveling strictly carry-on, which means that I need to be thoughtful when packing toiletries to make sure I don't go over the limits.

I thought it would be so easy, I'd go to Sephora, buy a travel-sized cleanser, and perhaps moisturizer, and be done with it.  No such luck.

Philosophy does not see to carry containers of 3 oz or smaller in any of their skincare products.  Which, given the number of women who travel, and those who don't want to check bags, is absolutely ludicrous in my opinion.  I wasn't even expecting to get away cheap, I just didn't want to have to do a lot of futzing to prepare for the trip.

So now I've either got to go buy small containers and transfer some product over, find some new product in a an appropriately sized container, or just skip washing my face for the weekend.

Thankfully Bumble and Bumble have been doing travel sizes for years.